When i was 11 yrs old i remember my mother asking me what i wanted to be when i grew up. I answered without hesitating ”i wish to be a domestic servant”.
I do’nt remember her exact response in words but what i do remember is that the atmospere around us immediately changed and she disliked what i said in a very strong way. My mother has so sadly never been good at caring, loving or understanding. Her response hurt so bad as i felt i’d just reveiled to her my most intimate and personal longing.
Time after time she broke my heart, but this post is not about that 😊
I found my most needed role models in four different women.
The first was my grandmother on my mothers side. We called her Mommi and she was such a wonderful lady. I remember her home as a very warm relaxed and safe place to be in. She lived in a different town than us so i did’nt go there very often but when i did i often stayed for a week or several weeks. She enjoyed reading her housewives magazines that she received in her mailbox once a week. While she sat in her sofa and without herself noticing it she mumbled out what she read in the magazine 😅 she was so sweet. I love her and miss her. Her kitchen, i can still remember the smell ❤️
Then there was my nan on my fathers side. Her husband was a horrible man. Mean to her and to everyone else in terrible ways. I think she stayed mostly because she did’nt want to loose what she’d worked so hard for. And wanted to make sure that it would be passed on to my father when she left us. No matter how much we tried to help her get out of the abusive marriage she stayed firm.
But she was wonderful and she really loved me. She spent so much time in her kitchen baking almost every day and cooking with me standing on a little chair beside her and ”assisting” 🌸☺️
She also did gardening growing berries and vegetables. Which has become one of my biggest interests. They lived near and i was there alot.
Her husband was a hunter so she cooked alot of dishes with elk and deer meat. This fact also gave an excellent respite, from the monster that he was, during the periodes when he traveled to the north for the hunt with his dogs.
Then there is a third lovely woman who from the beginning was a friend of my mother. She’s is a very strong warm and wonderful woman as well a very strong role model to me. When i sometimes was sad and lonely i ran away from home i took the subway by myself and went to her. I remember she used to put me in a warm bath with some bath powder, called milk something, that she poured into the water. Once she asked me if i wanted her to be my god mother and ofcourse i wanted her to.
She is a deaconess and advocated Waldorf pedadogy that also permeated their warm home. I remember in her kitchen she kept all their granolas, oats etc in jars of glass. It was beautiful and also very homely. I do the same now.
She often works with Médecins sans frontières and is also a midwife. She were with me when my first. Matteus, was born.
Her name is Mimansa. And i love her ❤️
Then there is the mother of my best friend when we were young. They’re Jehovas witnesses and i spent alot of time with them. Gender roles were very very strong in their family. We were dressed in modest dresses with cute flower patterns and we often had to do the ironing of the Misters shirts.
She was italian and made the best family dinners come true.
Her name is Catarina and i hold her dearly in my heart ♥️
These women has helped me becoming who i am as a woman. I thank God for the amazing gift he gave me in them. I truly am a lucky girl and i know how much God loves me. I feel safe.