I miss being pregnant. I look at other women’s pictures of big bellies and babies and feel a hungry roar growing from the depth in me.
One of my favourite thing is (as strange as it sounds for many women) giving birth, and being pregnant. I have 3 soon grown-up children, and I am 43, we have had really challenging years and we’re all still fragile in the recovery phase. It’s not an option to have more children because of this and it makes my heart ache. I’ve always had a very strong female calling with no place for doubt. It’s really hard to work against this instinct, I have to rely on God and seek my comfort there. I often find my self ponder over the fact that if our modern world wasn’t so incredibly hard to navigate and fit into, we would try to get pregnant again. But as it is now I believe our family health wouldn’t allow this. It costs way to much energy to maintain a calm home environment with everything that comes with having a child in my country where even homeschooling is not a legal option if your child doesn’t have a strong medical reason. School of today is so tough to go thru for both parent and child. The environment is often stressed with far too big classes than what’s healthy. There’s also a huge problem with bullying. Here are no school uniforms and if you don’t fit in in some way your’e most likely to be bullied. I can’t take that, I’d never accept this happening to a child, and in the same time can’t afford my energy being used and burned on such matter. All the energy that I have I need to keep for being available at home, and doing it with a content heart. None of us can afford a stressed exhausted mom in this house, I keep us together with small means but on full power.
Having a child now would not be fair to him or her, no matter how much I dream for it to work. In this world our society is not a welcoming place, I long for past times when life and values where more traditional. Though I wasn’t even born then. I know I’m not alone in this.
I hear so many say they were born in the wrong era, I was one of them, and I believe what it’s really about is the human need of a firm, traditional more conservative environment. Where everyone has their given and unquestionable place thru out their whole life The obvious safety only this can bring when built on love.
In my world, this world isn’t perfect. Humanity trying to recreate the creation but that can’t be done. Our modern society is breaking, and tearing us apart.